Toxic Relationships
How many times am I going to let this disastrous cycle continue in my life? Why can’t they just be normal? When will I be important to them? What is it about me that makes them act this way? These questions may sound very familiar if you have ever been in a toxic relationship. Toxic relationships are not just in romance relationships, but can also be within immediate family relationships. By definition toxic means poisonous and a toxic relationship is defined by behaviors on the part of the toxic partner that are emotionally and, not infrequently, physically damaging to their partner. ... Keep in mind that it takes two individuals to have a toxic relationship. The last line grabbed my attention… it takes two individuals to have a toxic relationship. WOW! Ever heard what you allow will continue? I sure have and I have allowed toxic relationships to completely drain the life out of me in the past until I chose to give those people totally over to God because they are His problem not mine.
This doesn’t mean I don’t love them, in fact it means that I love them so much I trust and everlasting Father, and the true Prince of peace to work in their life. The bible has many verses on toxic relationships which include:
Proverbs 27:6 Faithful are the wounds of a friend, But deceitful are the kisses of an enemy. Proverbs 13:20 He who walks with wise men will be wise, But the companion of fools will suffer harm
Proverbs 12:18 There is one who speaks rashly like the thrusts of a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing
1 Corinthians 6:18 Flee immorality. Every other sin that a man commits is outside the body, but the immoral man sins against his own body
1 Corinthians 15:33 Do not be deceived: "Bad company corrupts good morals."
2 Corinthians 6:14 Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership has righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness?
Proverbs 14:7 Leave the presence of a fool, or you will not discern words of knowledge.
My heart was set on this man even though I knew what God’s word said about having a relationship with him. So now I’m not only in a toxic relationship I’m going against God’s word. The mess I was allowing in my life was getting out of control! Stressed was a small word compared to the amount of heartache I was going through.
Alone, well technically not along because now I was a single mother of three very small children. My baby girl was 4 months old and the last conversation I had with her father was me asking him “What about your daughter?” His response was no response at all but a shoulder shrug as if he could care less about her. The man would chose 100% proof vodka again instead of her, instead of us. That ripped my heart out.
There was no reasonable way I could understand how any person on this earth would chose to be an alcoholic over their children, but he had clearly made that choice time and time again. It was a toxic cycle we had been going through since the moment our relationship had started. This man we’ll call him T for Toxic would romance me, make me feel amazing like he completely loved me, and then the fairytale delusion would end. I would wake up to the realization T was incapable of truly loving me. My goodness he couldn’t love himself let alone me. Then I get pregnant and have the nerve to think that T will love his own baby. It just wasn’t ever going to happen. That was a hard truth to learn and a hard truth to live with.
The days seemed to pass by as I watched the man I love die in slow motion from the alcohol abuse. He was no longer in my house, but chose to live in a homeless shelter so that he could continue to drink freely. I had to learn the hard way that I was in a toxic relationship. Just saying those words out loud was hard, but it was the truth. I was at a crossroads with my decision to remain in torment or to live in peace.
There was one night I was praying, I asked God to take T out of my life because I wasn’t strong enough to do it. That was the night I finally gave T over to God. It was a very freeing feeling to no longer be bound by the chains of that toxic relationship. I no longer listened to the enemy’s whispers of how I deserved to live that way, or it was my fault he couldn’t love me. When you finally decide to change the station in your mind from the enemy’s lies to the Almighty Heavenly Father the scales fall from your eyes and your mind acts as if someone put your setting to defrost. All those negative lies you once believed no longer remain fogging or clouding your vision and hearing to what God has for you!
The only regret I have is that I waited to long to hand T over to God. The heartache I went through could have been dramatically different had I put my trust in the Lord. The boundaries God gives us in His word for relationships must be followed in order for healthy relationships to bear good fruit. Is there a relationship in your life today that you are a part of that isn’t bearing good fruit? Have the boundaries God wants for that relationship been crossed? Who could you give the label T to in your life that isn’t of God? Our heavenly Father only wants the very best for His royal children. If you are involved in a relationship that brings despair and is draining the life out of you I encourage you to lean in to the Holy Spirit and get into the Word of God for wisdom. Some may even need to seek wise counsel to get out of it and through it and that is ok, your heart needs to heal as does your mind.
My prayer for anyone going through a toxic relationship is for them to have the courage to rise above the enemy and defeat the thoughts holding them in bondage! I pray that the voice of God is loud and the fog lifts! In Jesus Name!! Amen